For Pete's sake...

I'm seriously starting to think our beloved 'Matress Mack' has a gambling problem 😅💸💰

My birthday's approaching. Forget Gucci or Versace,  just get me a carton of eggs. Same value nowdays. 💰🥚

Is it wrong to turn off your Amber alerts permanently? Asking for a friend that's trying to sleep at  2AM 😭 🚨

I read Pfizer invented Viagra in the late 80s. So Pfizer saved the world twice. During the pandemic of 2020 and in the 80s.Not all heroes wear capes. 🙏🏼 🧑‍🔬💊  

"If he refuses to post pics with you, it's a red flag" Gandhi 

If she's Puerto Rican she'll yell at you in public, bro 😭 🇵🇷 

It's so hot and humid outside.  I'm sweating like Kanye inside a synagogue 😓

If she's short, do not argue with her. You'll never win. 🙅🏻‍♀️🧨💣

"Catch me lane switching with the paint drippin'. Turn your neck and your dame missing."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

If he's single with kids, go for it sis. You can be in a cell phone family plan with them and save monthly on your phone bill.  Follow me for more advice. 

Ukraine President: "Can we have $100 billion to fight a foreign war?" US Government: Sure!  College student: "Can I have $10k for my school debt?" US Government:  Lol No 

If you miss an Exit on a Houston freeway, Google maps will simply say "Not worth it bro, just go home."  😩 ⚠️ 🚧

Bring back 24 hour Walmarts! Covid ruined that for many late night shoppers like myself. Maybe we need milk at midnight? Maybe we need medicine at 1am? Maybe we need to buy a hunting rifle at 2am? For Pete's sake.  

Bring back headphone jacks on phones. Wireless headphones always run low on battery at the most inconvenient times. No I don't want CHARGE my headphones in the middle of my workouts! 🙄   For Pete's sake. 

Happy Spring! Ready to enjoy the beautiful brown/grey beaches of Galveston 🥰 🌊

If she's single with kids, go for it bro.Those tax refunds can send yall on a nice vacations 👀✈️ 🏖 

If she listens to Bad bunny, she will hit you during arguments. 

Forget looks and personality. Check if his credit score is low      👀🚩🚩

YouTube has been showing me the same ads for weeks. It's trying to break me to get me to pay. Not happening! lol 🧐😤 

If she lives in the Heights, she's Vegan. Not worth it bro.  #HoustonTX 

Me when I enter heaven: *St Peter pulls out the Ipad* "It's just gonna ask you a quick question." #Tipping #ForPetesSake! 💸💸

Ways to celebrate St. Patrick's day today and embrace the Irish culture☘️💚 Wear green, Drink a Guinness beer🍺, Fight in a bar and get kicked out, Eat Lucky charms, Watch all the Leprechaun horror movies from the 90's, Watch a Connor McGregor UFC fight.  

I've been accepting "All cookies" on websites and still don't know what I'm agreeing to 😩🍪

Dear woke white people, we're Latinos/Latinas. Stop trying to make LatinX a thing. It's not gonna happen lol 

My birthday is coming soon. I'm a size Samsung Galaxy S23 Ultra 😌🎁

I took melatonin and benadryl together and woke up in the year 2050 😭 💤

My birthday is coming soon. I'm a size Zelle, Cashapp and Venmo 😌🎁  

Our company turns 24 years old this week. Or as Leonardo Dicaprio calls it, a super old company. 

If he didn't invite you to the Houston Rodeo, he took someone else, sis 👀🚩🚩🍗

 Today is Pi Day. A reminder to always stay calm and not be Irrational     3.14 🥧