For Pete's sake...

The word OK started as a slang word (Oll Korrect= All Correct) Now its the most recognized English word in the world. And that's Ok, I guess.  

It looks like it's gonna be  Biden vs Trump again in 2024. My prediction? The old white guy will definitely win it. 

Pictures on food menus should be mandatory. I don't want to guess what I'm paying for. And no, I don't want to search for it on Yelp. My date will think I'm texting someone else lol Maybe  I am but that's not the point. 

Are we required to play the harp in heaven? I kinna want to play the drums and guitar up there also. We'll literally have an eternity to learn new instruments. Or give me some turntables. I can be the DJ in heaven 🎧 🎶  "John the Baptist in da house! Let's hear it for him!"  

Who are the only people that love potholes and damaged roads in our city? Mechanics. They love the sound of a car slamming against the pavement. All they hear is Ka-Ching !  👂👂💰💰  

Target has the smoothest shopping carts in their stores. Their wheels are flawless.  Walmart shopping carts rattle and shake like a crappy roller coaster off it's meds 🫨🎢  🎡

Who decided the animal symbols for political parties? Democrat is the donkey and Republican is the elephant. Congress is definitely a zoo of wild animals so it makes sense. 🐘  🫏  

Isaac Newton invented Calculus at 24 years old. The man was a genius.  I was deciding which  Jeresey Shore episode to watch at 24  I was taking snapchat pictures with dog filters at 24 lol 🐶

**The flight attendant giving us instructions in case of a life threatening emergency.** Me:  😴😴 🤤🤤

What did people use before mirrors were invented?  Did they look at their reflections in the lake before going on their Tindercaveman dates? 

It's 2023 and airplanes still have "No smoking signs" inside the cabin. Because, yes , some people are that stupid Lol 😮‍💨 

If the ladies are fanning themselves inside a church,  you know the music is lit! 🎵🎤  🎹  "Can I get a Hallelujah?"

People complain about the long security lines at the airport yet wait 30 minutes in the Starbucks line at the airport with no complaints ☕️ 🤓

There should be laws against expensive food in airports. $3 for a banana at the airport! Is it gonna dance for me?? 🍌🎵

Family with kids: "We need $5,000." IRS: Sure!  Me: I'll take anything 😬 IRS: "Lol dude get your ass back to work."   Me: Ok 😭😭

Whenever there's turbulence on a plane,  I look at our flight attendants. If they look calm, I'm calm.  If they look nervous, time for me to cry like a little girl and pray to Jesus 😭🙏🏼🛩

Do therapists visit other  therapists? Or do they just lay on the couch and talk to themselves? 🤔 

I miss the old landlines phones when you could just slam the phone down to hang up on someone you were mad at.  Now we have our expensive, delicate cell phones.No slamming those .👀 💸

Why don't we have a holiday celebrating the person who invited Air Conditioning? One of the greatest human inventions ever. If you live in the Texas heat you literally cannot live without one. Yet we have days for the stupid easter bunny and santa clause lol 🐰🎅🏻 for Pete's sake.

I will always consider Duck tape and not Duct tape. Fight me!  🦆

Me: "I'll start sleeping 8 hours from now on to stay healthy and productive throughout the day." Me at 2:25am "Hey Google, what does the Q in Qtip stand for?"  🤔

Who named planet Earth? Did he/she consult with the rest of humanity first? Was there a meeting most of us missed?  Was there an email sent out to ask us first?  There definitely wasn't a meeting on planet Uranus. Someone would have said something.

Sunday is truly an interesting paradox. It's the beginning of the week and considered the weekend at the same time.   📆  🧐 

"If they say they don't have social media, it's a red flag."  🚩 Thomas Jefferson  

Do you "Log off" a website or  "Log out"?  Everyone says it differently. Which one is correct? 🤔

If I say "I'll let you know", you got a 50% chance I'll let you know⏳️⏰️  70% if you're cute lol 

The rougher the neighborhood, the better the street tacos are. If I don't hear gunshots in the distance when I'm ordering at the taco truck, then I don't want them  😌🚔  

They put a TV on gas station pumps to make us forget we're getting ripped off lol We just stare at the the TVs like dumasses while the oil companies robs us 📺🤓

If there's a car behind you, Don't take your sweet time backing in your truck to park bro.Just park in normal like a normal person! 🙄 For Pete's sake. 

Pretending to laugh at my boss' stupid jokes is exhausting but somebody has to do it 😮‍💨

My neighbors celebrated Easter with a giant Easter egg piñata.  Us Latinos will use any excuse to break open a piñata. Birthdays, holidays, baptisms, divorces. 🎉

I stuck a 'Blue lives matter' sticker on the back of my insurance card. In case a cop ever pulls me over and he sees it. Might let me off with a warning.  🤷🏻‍♂️🚔

Remember the good old days when we didn't have to memorize a thousand different passwords for apps? I refuse to memorize any more passwords. 😒📝    And I'm not joining any more apps to "stay in touch with friends" (Groupme, telegram, whatapp)  If you have a question, just call me. Wait. Don't call me lol text me. I might reply Lol 

If he's not talking on his Bluetooth, is he even a gas station clerk? 

I need to borrow someone's kids. I wanna watch the new  Super Mario movie😭 That's my entire childhood right there. 

Dating App companies worst nightmare is if everyone finds love and they live happily ever after 📉📉💸💸

Remember when they had arrows in grocery store floors to help stop Covid 💀😆

If he's Presbyterian or Methodist he's got money, sis 👀 

*Me searching on Google why my little toe hurts* Google: "Yeah you're gonna die." 

If a hipster barista doesn't make my coffee, then I don't want it. 👩‍🌾☕️ #LocalCoffeeshops 

I'm always the last one to board the plane. If I have to be crammed with complete strangers for a few hours, I'll try to minimize it as much as I possibly can.😒

If you're new on Instagram, double tapping a photo will NOT zoom in like on Facebook. You've been warned. 

When he tells you he's with his family at Chick-fil-A and its Sunday 🚩 When she tells you she's shopping at Hobby Lobby and it's Sunday 🚩

It's the day after April Fools.  The day you find out if the people you pranked are still your friends.💀 

I asked ChatGPT how to understand women and the whole website crashed. It's still down for maintenance. ⚠️⏳️😩

Never prank your loved ones on April Fools day. Do it the next day, they won't expect it.