For Pete's sake...

Why do we say "bless you" after a sneeze but say nothing after a cough or a yawn? Who sets these rules? 

Everyone in the future will either wear glasses or contacts. We spend so much time in front of screens. Phones, Computers, TVs, It will have an effect on everyone's eyes eventually. Eye doctors will become very rich too. 

Kids nowdays will never know the true meaning of the word "tiktok". It used to mean the sound a clock makes when it ticks. Or an old Kesha song.  Now it's simply known for the app. 

I should have invested in Google or Amazon stock when the companies were founded in the 90's. But nooo , I was a kid in school learning about the Boston tea party like a dumass 😩 🍵  "The Britsh are coming!"  

Do I enjoy going to work  tomorrow morning? No.  But do I feel a sense of pride and honor being a productive, responsible adult? No. 

You're not really playing the violin on that street corner. Knock it off bro 😭  #Houston 

If I want to say 'Anyways' with an "S", I'll say it. Sometimes it sounds better depending on the conversation. Fight me! 

The octothorpe is an extremely famous symbol but a very little known word. (Now go google it) lol

What are the 5 most dangerous words you can tell your boss?  "Ok, I'm done with everything." 

In the beginning Instagram started somewhat similar to Facebook, a place to upload photos to be shared with friends. Then it copied Snapchat and made 'stories' and then it copied TikTok and made 'reels'.  So Instagram is that kid in the classroom cheating off the smart kids during an exam. 

Today I learned that Chucky E. Cheese is short for Charles Entertainment Cheese lol  Follow me for more useless info. 

I'll pretend to cough in a public restroom so they won't try to open the stall or turn off the lights 👀💡 

If rain sounds to sleep on YouTube bother you, call an Uber😌 

When you come to Houston you realize why they call them free-ways. Free to speed. Free to break the law. Free to cut me off with no warning. Free to drive like idiots in Houston. 

Scotch tape isn't from Scotland? My whole life has been a lie 😭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

"I'll start sleeping 8 hours to stay healthy and productive all day." Me at 3 am on Google: What does "CVS" pharmacy stand for? 🤔

Do sugar mammas also get gifts on Mother's day? Asking for a friend 🤔 

Only woman receives flowers as gifts. Men only receive them when we're dead 😭🌹

If she parks in reverse she's got at least one misdemeanor💀🚩 *unless she's lesbian. 

Dear Aldi, No I don't have a quarter. just give me a cart so I can shop. It's 2023, I don't carry cash. I feel like a child inserting a quarter to get on a toy ride 👶🏼 🛒

What happened to the good old days when students would give their teachers an apple? Nowdays students give their teachers stress, anxiety, left hook, right hook and a video on Worldstar. 🥊🎥

Who volunteered to have the first vasectomy performed on him? That man was either the bravest soul to ever live or the dumbest.   Thanks for taking one for the team Champ🙏🏼 😭 ✂️

What's the fastest way to clean your house when you're too tired or lazy? Invite people over! 🧹🙆🏻‍♀️

Why hasn't the Starbucks mermaid been given a name? It's one of the most famous logos in the world and homegirl gets no credit 🧜‍♀️ Even Wendy's gets a name and her burgers aren't so great 👩‍🦰

People say 'take a hike' as an insult but its actually a positive thing. Sure! I'll take it. 🌲⛰️🚶‍♂️

No I don't want to link my contacts to my social media. Stop asking me. My nosey coworkers don't need to follow me online. 👀🔎 For Pete's sake. 

I've never read the full "Terms and Conditions/Agreements" of anything in my life. And neither have you.  ...and if you have,  you're a serial killer. 😒

Why are extroverts referred to as social butterflies? Butterflies are always flying alone. It should be used for introverts.  "introvert butterfly"

Who first came up with the applause? Such a strange yet effective way to express that we approve of something. "Let's slap our hands together like a bunch of seals when we like what we're seeing. This will catch on."  🦭👏👏

People who talk on speaker phone in public places should be fined. I don't want to hear your loud conversation when I'm grocery shopping lady. 

What can I get my mom for Mother's Day? She already has the best son ever. What else could she possibly want? 🤔🎁

RIP Bed, bath & beyond.  Be careful Bath & Bodyworks, Amazon is coming for you next. 💀💀🔪

I get annoyed by the pushy salesmen in the mall kiosks. But I also get insulted when they ignore me.  Why did you ignore me bro? Do I look broke to you? I'm not good enough for your crappy lotions? 🤨 

White people should be allowed to wear a sombrero for Cinco de Mayo without getting canceled. I don't find that offensive at all. You know what's offensive?  Bringing back the mullet. They need to let that one go 😟🙏🏼