For Pete's sake...

If she doesn't know who Tom from MySpace is, she's too young for you bro. 

If I say "sorry about the mess" in my house or car, I'm really not sorry lol It's something we have to say out of courtesy. Plus, my car and house are 95% clean most of the time. So I have to apologize for the 5% mess?   For Pete's sake. 

I will never get into NASCAR racing. I simply don't see the point. When do they stop? How many circles? 😭

I feel bad for the real car warranty salesman. Nobody ever believes them and must have the phone hung up on them all time.  

If a child has an imaginary friend, it's cute. If an adult has an imaginary friend it's concerning. 😳

Financial experts: "Invest $500 a month and in 40 years you'll be a millionare." 💀

I like to take my time when I'm typing a text.  Does it need to tell the other person when I'm currently typing? How do you turn off the typing indicator?? It's too much pressure for me😰 lol  

"If they're not married, they're single." -Bill Clinton

Galveston Beach. Just use your imagination. The water is dark blue. Extremely dark dark blue. But blue nonetheless. 

I like my coffee like the Kardashians like their men. Rich and black. 

What happend to the Bitcoin/Dogecoin dorks? They've been quiet lately 😆 "To the moon!" 🚀 Lmao 

If they're wearing a Nirvana shirt,  they don't listen to Nirvana. 

When God makes twins it's considered a BOGO special.